It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, in this space. And it was a little scary to come back. Truth be told, my life has been overwhelmingly crazy busy of late, but there was a time when that crazy chaos would drive me right here–to work it out through writing. But for some reason, I just couldn’t come back here. I knew I had already neglected this outlet and it seemed like actually opening it back up would only lead me to realize just how badly I’d failed at tending to the audience, however small, and the voice, however weak, I’d worked to build. I’d let it go and to think that I could come back and reclaim this space seemed almost presumptuous. I know so many insanely creative, and overwhelmingly busy women who I admire greatly who somehow manage to keep up with the space they have been given and they consistently put out inspiring pieces of written and/or visual work. What reason could I have to not keep up with it as well, even if in some bastardized version of “creativity” or “voice?” There didn’t seem to be a reason good enough.
But I did it. I came back. And I can’t promise that I’ll consistently churn out amazing, inspiring, moving pieces of thought or writing…in fact, I may never churn out anything amazing, inspiring or moving…but I have to at least put something of myself out there. I’ve missed writing in a way I didn’t know I could. I’ve said it a million times here, but I am not good at verbalizing my thoughts and feelings, but for some reason my fingers can really bring my inner thoughts and feelings into some sort of something that makes sense, at least to me. And for that reason, because I need a place for my innermost self to be at home, I’m giving this yet another go.
So feel free to stay or leave, it’s up to you. But I thank you for letting me just be. Even if it’s just me here, talking to myself about seemingly insignificant things. I like it here. And maybe, just maybe, you do to.photo by Thomas Leuthard.